Warning: there are pictures of my body and reality.

This week has been interesting. My lab work and imaging show no evidence of disease, which is so amazing. I have the week to myself, which has felt lonely, refreshing, and has offered some time to sit with all that has happened.

Some new realities; living with chronic side effects from chemo, realizing I am not the same, and understanding how amazing my body, mind and spirit have been over the past year.

Mind.

You are incredible. Protecting me, but also allowing me to feel. You embraced moments of isolation with meditation and determination. You valued my need to mom, to take space, and find balance between both. You conquered the hesitation of walking into chemo 15 times. You were steady through procedures and surgeries. You offered a safe space, even when I wasn’t sure of the point of all this. You allowed people in.

Body.

You have carried me through this part of my life journey with understanding and powerfully allowing healing after each chemo session and each surgery. I am thankful for my scars; they remind me this was real and of what we have endured. Thank you for being my vessel this time around.

Spirit.

I didn’t know we were so strong. You accepted Reiki, love, unflinching steadiness, and reminders of how good the other 40 years of my journey have been. You leaned on your kindred spirits; and turns out they are a force to be reckoned with. You embraced new physical and stillness practices. You showed me an unknown strength and trust in the Universe.

There is and will be so much to process. I am learning to navigate my new risk factors for health conditions gifted by receiving so much chemo. I am navigating a new awareness and understanding of how each day is precious. I am honing my new skill of feeling all the emotions and setting boundaries to protect my mind, body and spirit as well protecting my family’s sanctuary.