Surgery is done. It was a big deal. Jon and the boys dropped me off as the sun was coming up. Nerves were a bundle, and hugs and kisses all around. As much preparing could be done, had been done, and it was time to surrender completely to the medical professionals. The things I knew; I wanted the cancer out, I wanted my ostomy taken down, and I wanted to see my boys and Jon ASAP.

Thankfully everyone showed up to do their best work that day. The surgeon was on her game, anesthesia was prepared for slight hiccups, and everyone worked together to keep me safe. The surgery took 9 and a half hours; as planned, no major deviation from plans.

I awoke in the ICU, Jon was there. I was groggy and not totally with it, I remember him pulling up the guest couch next to my bed and sleeping next to me, grabbing my hand as soon as I would reach for him. The boys, home and safe with my Angel of a friend. Jon stayed with me the first 5 nights in the hospital. Spending his days with my friend and the boys, then rolling in, saddling up to the guest couch in my room and holding me as needed, to keep me grounded at night. He was unwavering, steady, and reaffirmed that he and I have an eternal bond.

My pain was initially controlled with a PCA through an IV. My incision spanning from my sternum (breast bone) to my pelvic area. They were generous and used stitches and glue and mesh, versus a zipper of staples. I was up in the chair the next day, early movement, and walking by the second day. PT and OT were great, and my own personal cheerleading squad from home encouraged me to keep moving. My eldest read to me over FaceTime and my younger gave me snuggle eyes from afar for the first couple of days. I transitioned to oral medications and seem to have found good support from meds, movement, and rest. I was grateful for meal trains nourishing my boys. The bike parades and play dates, the 4th of July celebrations, and the everyday moments that our support team has offered. Calls and texts cheering me on through my hospital stay have been much needed.
It took a long while for my gut to wake back up. I had a beautiful Reiki session with my spirit sister. The support and touch helped me deep relax and feel more comfortable in my skin. The session offered deep relaxation and connection that sometimes gets lost in the sterile environment of an hospital. Even with early movement, gum chewing, and wishful thoughts, it took 8 days to get back to solid foods. Patience with my body and what it has been through has been an invaluable lesson. I was finally able to trial real food last night, hospital food never tasted so good.

Today I am preparing to head home. I am thankful to the nurses and providers who have supported me in patient in the acute follow up of major surgery. Am glad I prepared as much as I could (physically and emotionally). Now to find some healing space at home for a few weeks prior to restarting chemotherapy.

Mantras:

Trust the Universe. Be present. Breathe.