When you work in healthcare you get to see people and walk with them through their most vulnerable moments. It was easy for me to offer a calming look or gentle comment to ease the stress of a situation when I was a provider.

Now that I am on the “other side“ of the provider-patient relationship, I now know the importance of that empathy and compassion to quelling the waves of emotions. I now understand the weight of emotions when preparing for repeat imaging; the imaging can determine course of treatment, prognosis, and sometimes, more questions than answers. The most difficult part of imaging is the lack of control over the outcome. To ward off the sterility that Western Medicine is often based I have sought a balance of Western medicine and alternative therapies and practices. Spirituality assists getting through the harder moments and days.

Expertise

I have been blessed with an amazing primary nurse on infusion days. She laughs with me; we take our dark humor lessons from years of nursing. She walks me through my fears, hopes and concerns with the utmost respect and compassion. We spend about 5 hours together every 2 weeks. I know my care depends heavily on her expertise and knowledge; I am extremely appreciative of her ability to tailor care. We pull tarot Cards, share knowledge of gems, and find joy in silly trinkets or treats. She is human, but an invaluable resource and individual. She also doubles as an amazing cheerleader when needed.

Distraction

Distraction is the name of the game. Can I pull my body and mind together, or do I choose something to numb my current reality? I often choose both options in a given day. My mind and body thank me for the walks, breath work, meditation and gentle Asanas. My mind loves to take on new interests in the form of enrichment through hoarding a bunch of books on any given topic from our amazing library system (currently occupied with “sylvotherapy”, nature therapy, and the power of nature). I delve into trying a new sewing pattern or project. Take on new experiences or healing practices such as Reiki and Sound Baths. Allow myself to be in my “church”; outside and in fresh air.

Scanxiety

I would like to claim this term as my own, but unashamedly borrowing it from the onc team. There’s a lot of self talk that happens during the chemotherapy process. You have to convince yourself to walk into infusion days, convince yourself to take the slew of medications at home to control side effects, and convince yourself to sleep the night before “scan day”. There’s more self talk to get through the scan in a tube (PET scan), follow the breathing pattern instructions, and dealing with the sensations the dyes induce. The most anxiety producing part of the imaging is the waiting; reminding yourself you have no control over results and that the results are “no fault“ of your own.

You just have to get through the moment, the day, the night, the scan. Trust the Universe to hold you and that all moments are temporary on this human journey through life.

Mantras: Trust the Universe. Go straight for the liver. Suffering is optional.

Music:

Nickel Creek, “Holding Pattern”