The past couple of weeks have been slow moving. It’s been hard to slow myself down and pace my energy use throughout the day, but it makes a major difference in how I feel at the end of the day. The first week home was a lot of couch time, breathing, napping, and forced walks. It’s challenging for me to differentiate between pain, fatigue, and expected discomfort from the surgery; but each day I can do a tiny bit more.

My first major outings included a community concert and a walk in the woods; both with the lovely help of my soul sister from North Conway. She helped wrangle the two boys as I moved a little slower. It’s so incredible to watch your children fall in love with people from your own past. It was so healing to gain more confidence with myself through her support of being here.

This week has been a bit familiar; doctor appointments and imaging. The surgical visit went great; surgeon confident that she was able to remove all active tumors, I am moving and healing well, and doing so well, that chemo will be starting up next week. Oncology appointment went well; will be speaking with a nutritionist on how best to keep a little bulk on during the next four months of wrapping up systemic chemo.

Things left lingering include some bilateral neuropathy in my toes and heals that cropped up after surgery. Possible causes: an epidural fiasco, surgical complication, neurological damage from chemo, or position issues in the healing process. Neurology will be involved, and trying to address in hopes that the numbness and balance effects are not long term. I will also be starting up pelvic floor therapy in a few weeks. If you have never had pelvic floor therapy and you ever had humans come out of your body, any sort of surgery, or athlete… it can be life changing! Meditation and movement have been modified, but are slowly starting to resemble normalcy.

And with all that, life continues; the boys are busy as ever exploring the world, pushing boundaries, and moments of complete calm ending with chaos. Tooth fairy has visited our house for the first time. Second grade has started, and preschool morning circle is most often full of giggles. We are still working on getting into a routine as everything is still variable based on energy levels and the various responsibilities of the household on the day. If nothing else, return to chemo will offer routine.

Recovery has been slow but steady; I am thankful for the local support, distant support, prayer warriors, positive energy, healing and supportive thoughts that have been sent. I have to believe they help, as some how, even on a hard journey, I consider myself extremely fortunate to be doing as well as I am. We feel the love and are so glad to be through the surgical process. Keep sending love as we round into the end of this battle. Hoping for a completely different holiday season this year ❤️.

Mantra:

Trust in the Universe. Allow the skies to clear. Love so deeply.

Music:

Broken Bells, Ghost Inside