A break… no chemo this week. More recovery time due to my last round symptoms and side effects. To be honest, it feels like a get-out-of-jail-free card. Giving my body what it needs feels validating, I am grateful.

Food… yeah, that stuff that’s meant to fuel our physical being and meant to socially connect us to others. When thinking about food, it can create so many emotions; joy with a cake, familiarity and comfort of a favorite snack, nostalgia associated with a recipe passed down for generations. We often can depend on food to soothe and to relieve emotional responses. Culturally, food is used as a reward and as a punishment. Eating is a basic need, but it comes with a loaded entourage of “stuff”.

Needless to say, add cancer on top of that entourage, be prepared for a full physical and emotional shake down.

Buckwheat blueberry pancake with yogurt, strawberries, and walnuts on top.

Take a second and look at the picture… there’s a response, something (whether it’s “that’s yummy” or “how could she ruin that pancake?!”). We all have core beliefs about food; similar to raising kids, work, or physical activities. Well, my meltdown with my new nutritionist will not be forgotten anytime soon; I mean full on sob-Fest. In the end, the session was quite cathartic; but in the moment there were swells of shame, disbelief, sadness, mom-guilt, and 10 months of pent up survival mode.

Creamy Tuscan Chicken Soup

After all the hullabaloo, we were able to get down to the nitty gritty. A major measurement that is used to assess prognosis and progress for people with cancer is weight and BMI. It’s been interesting to have battling teachings and beliefs throughout this whole process; weight and BMI are somewhat obscure measurements. These are the measurements Science has; they (those Scientists and support teams) haven’t quite been able to quantify how a sense wellbeing relates to the obscure numbers (though I have high hopes for those Scientists!). Though weight loss, cancer, and surgery is what got me this appointment, my goal is to just feel good while eating good foods again that can power me through chemo and the post-cancer life. We determined that with all the work my body is doing with recovery from surgery (less liver, no gallbladder, and shortened colon) calories and protein are what I need to stay afloat. This requires a balance of foods, without my gallbladder, fatty foods are a literal gut punch and off the list. Ultra processed foods, also off the list. Dairy has always been an issue so has to be used with caution and intention. We came up with a long list of options; anything plus peanut butter, egg salad meat balls, creamy soups, adding nut and avocado as able, add creamy dressings, and anything plus humus. The list goes on.

Salad with nothing fancy + dressing: not pictured Loaded Potato Soup

My body is starting to feel better. I am able to get in my walks, take the boys on low key adventures around the neighborhood, and even went to the grocery store under my own volition this week. Today, I will put the scale away and work on listening to my body in this post-surgical and chemotherapy state. It’s time to get re-acquainted with my body. Two weeks until next round.

Keep it coming: thoughts, prayers, love, and support. We love you guys.

Mantras:

Trust the Universe. Beef up baby! Breathe.